Still in the same place. Literally. It's been a year and in many ways I feel like I'm exactly the same. I was looking forward to a change in surroundings, maybe at times using that as a crutch, as a replacement for actually moving on. Forced to take into account all the truths from the past gosh, eight years, I have to admit somethings to myself: first loves don't die, time doesn't heal without intention, and the structure of my life is second to the person I choose to become.
Even though the externals look dramatically different, sometimes opposing, who I have become was chosen. I would have evolved much the same if the location was different, the faces changed. People are people, though, and community is consistent. My goals have been refined but they haven't shifted: I want to experience peace.
If my high school dreams had come out the way I had planned, I would have still wanted peace. I choose to believe that life goes according to the best--it's harder to believe now, but if I lose that tenderness, I will lose too much of the things that I like about myself.
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